Disclaimer: I don’t own Castle

Warning: mention of violence. Unlike my other story, I’ve rated this T because I didn’t go into the details of the violence. There I actually showed the scene. I received some reviews for my

other two Castle stories saying they didn’t need to be rated M, I am assuming because there

was no sex scene, but I disagree. Mature content doesn’t equal sexual content. Mature

content is anything you think that young minds shouldn’t be reading willy nilly and I find that a

violent scene or mentions of suicidal thoughts are something that should be taken with

caution. So that is why I rated those two stories as M and not this one.

A/N: I seem to be on a roll using Josh as a scapegoat. Poor guy. And I actually liked him on the show. I mean, before he tried to punch Castle. The only problem I had with him was he wasn’t

Castle.

“Priorities”

“Beckett,” she answered her phone curtly as she always had. She was in a mood and whoever

was calling better not be piling up more crap on her. She was nowhere in her LockSat

investigation, which meant she was nowhere nearer to going home to her husband who she

missed like air.

He hadn’t been around this last week, and she hated herself for being upset about it. She was

the one who told him she needed time and space, and here he was respecting her wishes for

the first time since she walked out of their home without giving him any explanation and she

was upset because she hadn’t seen him. Because she was secretly glad he was trying to

insinuate himself into cases every chance he got no matter what she said, at least that way she

got to see him.

She had hated herself last week when she had told him she needed to get her stuff. She had

seen his hopes rise at her mention of calling him and his face crumble when she stomped on

his huge loving heart. She had to remind herself, she was doing this to protect him. She had to

remind herself that when he placed the fake smile on his face. Yes, she had walls, and she used

her intimidating stance to protect herself and not let people in. But so did he. She took a long

while to differentiate the real smile from the one for the public. The one not to let anyone on

he was hurt or scared. But she did now, and she had seen both in a matter of seconds, the real

one when she said she was about to call him and the mask to protect himself, from her. She

wondered if that was why he wasn’t around. She had thought he’d understand her gesture of

leaving her favorite t-shirt behind, for him. To let him know she’d come back, as soon as she

could. That she loved him.

“Captain Beckett, sorry to interrupt. This is Mike Specter from Lockhart and Associates. My

client has requested to talk to you.”

“Your client?” she asked. She knew who Mike Specter was. He was one of the top defense

attorneys in town. Why would a client of a defense attorney request to talk to her? She ran a

quick check on the cases that were on trial and was quite sure Specter was not the defense

attorney for any of them.

“Yes, Dr. Josh Davidson-“

“Excuse-me Josh is your client?” What had Josh gotten himself into? Why did he need a

defense attorney? She hadn’t talked to him since she broke up with him over four years ago.

“Yes, Dr. Davidson was denied bail on his assault charges due to his current position with Doctors Without Borders and he thought you may be of help-“

“I’m not going to get Josh out if he was denied bail,” she said indignantly. Assault charges? And

he thought what? He could call in a favor. Denying bail made sense. Josh spent more time out

of the country than in. She bet he did have the connections to flee if he wanted to.

“Look, Captain. I advised my client against contacting you considering who the victim is and

the reasons he assaulted him. But Dr. Davidson is convinced you’ll help and ordered me to

contact you. So here I am, fulfilling my duties. Dr. Davidson is currently awaiting trial at Rikers.”

“I’ll go see him,” she answered. She knew she had dealt poorly with him. She had used him as

a placeholder. She saw that with the help from Dr. Burke. She had been upset at Castle for

leaving with Gina, which Dr. Burke also showed her was irrational of her. Castle couldn’t have

known she had broken up with Tom and she had rebuffed him at every chance. But she still

had been upset and Josh had been fun and uncomplicated for a while, so why not. She

shouldn’t have. She ended up hurting both Josh and Castle. So she felt she owed him at least

to see why he had contacted her after all these years. She was in for a shock.

Xxx

She had waited for him to enter the visitation room and had been uncomfortable at the smile

and look he gave her when he entered and as he sat in front of her.

“Hey, Kate,” he said with a smile that transmitted too much familiarity. As if he thought they

were still together. She tried to stay professional.

“What did you want from me Josh?” she asked and he tried to move his hand forward to take

hers but was warned by a guard as she quickly removed her hands from the table. What was

going on here?

Josh glared at the guard and then turned to her, “I thought you could drop the charges Kate.”

“Drop the charges?” she asked confused and a bit angry at his presumption.

Who the hell did Josh think she was? Why would he think she could or even would drop

whatever charges he was being accused of?

“Yes,” he smiled. “After all, I was just defending your honor. I’m sure there’s something you

can do.”

“You were defending my honor?” she asked skeptically and her tone must have shown

because Josh became more serious and spoke as if explaining to a toddler not to put their

finger on the power outlet.

“Kate,” he sighed.

She bristled at that. He often used that tone when they were together. She couldn’t help but

compare him with Castle. Castle never spoke to her as if she couldn’t understand what he was

saying even if he was trying to explain something she wasn’t getting. Like why Nebula 9

sucked, in his opinion.

“He put you in danger, ruined everything, disappears on your wedding day, convinces you to

marry him and then dumps you before you even completed a year of marriage. I had to teach

him a lesson.”

Her blood ran cold. Josh’s assault charges were against Castle? He had attacked Castle? Where was Rick? How hurt was he? Why hadn’t anyone contacted her?

“He didn’t dump me,” she hissed angrily starting to get up.

“Kate, be realistic-“

“No!” she slammed her hand on the table angry. She was tired of having to tell everyone that

Castle hadn’t done anything wrong. Why did everyone assume he was in the wrong? Her

breaking his heart wasn’t enough? Everyone else had to turn against him too? “He didn’t do

anything wrong. All he ever did was love me more than anything. I screwed up and even if I

hadn’t. Even if he had been the one in the wrong, you still had no right to touch him. You want

my help? Here is my help, I guarantee you that I will do everything in my power to make sure

you get the maximum sentence for your crime!” And with that she walked out. She needed to

find her husband. Now his disappearance from the precinct took a whole new level. He wasn’t

respecting her request, he just couldn’t come and try to win her back. She choked a sob, he

never needed to win her back.

Xx

She had gone first to the loft. Before she left Rikers she found out that Josh had been arrested

five days earlier. Five days. Five days ago Rick had been hurt and she just went on with life

none the wiser. The whole point of her leaving was to keep him safe and then he is attacked,

hurt, because she left him. Because Josh felt himself in the right to go teach Rick a lesson.

She had tried his cell phone, Alexis’s phone and even Martha’s but no one answered. She was

scared to find out why he didn’t answer. Was he that injured that he couldn’t answer his

phone five days later?

Alexis and Martha she figured didn’t pick up for the same reason they didn’t call her when he

was hurt. And she couldn’t blame them. In their position, she wouldn’t be very happy towards

the person who walked out on her father/son and then whose ex-boyfriend decided to attack

him.

So she needed the insurance information. She needed his card number and she knew the card

number came in the bills. She was his wife. She had rights. The insurance company would have

to tell her which hospital he was in.

She opened the door and saw the loft was a mess. Rick was very neat. Despite his childish and

excited manner, he always kept his home and his office ordered. But there were dishes in the

sink piling up. Dishes on the table. Every day things thrown around that usually he would have

already put away.

She realized that he had to be home. There was no way Alexis and Martha wouldn’t have seen

to cleaning the house for his return if he wasn’t. Plus, their housekeeper came twice a week.

She would have been here in five days.

She entered the office and smiled as she spotted her desk. Tucked in the corner facing his. He

had gotten rid of the couch just to get her the desk. She had tried to tell him he didn’t need to

give up his office, his den. The place where he wrote since she had a desk at the precinct but

he had insisted. For when she brought work home. Or even just to surf the net.

“If you prefer I can put a chair right next to my desk,” he had winked at her. “I like the symmetry.”

She shook her thoughts away and walked to his desk, to where she knew he kept the bills.

However her destination changed as she quickly moved towards their bedroom when she

heard some cursing from the bathroom. She wasted no time. She knew that voice. That was

her husband. Her heart lifted a bit even as she found odd that Martha or Alexis weren’t

running at the sounds. When he broke his kneecap, they only left him alone after a couple of

weeks. Once they were absolutely sure he could handle himself without their hovering.

Despite Kate’s presence. Now he was here alone. That had to mean he wasn’t that injured.

Right?

“Great,” she heard him mumble. Why hadn’t he answered the phone? She turned the corner

and saw him instantly. Any relief she had felt fled. He was shirtless and she could she the

myriad of bruises marring him. Plus the band around his torso that clearly indicated broken

ribs. He also had his arm on a sling and was wincing heavily as he tried to lower himself to grab

the fallen bottle.

“Let me,” she automatically moved forward and stopped at the look he gave her. Fallen bottle

completely forgotten.

“Did you forget something?” he asked. No hello. How are you? Oh, by the way, someone beat

the crap out of me and I didn’t call you. No, she couldn’t go there. He had every right to be

angry. She was the reason this happened.

“Why didn’t you call me?” she accused. Well, she had had good intentions and she almost

managed not to let her temper get the better of her. Her temper was just faster than her

brain.

“Excuse me?” he hissed at her.

“I found out today that you were assaulted five days ago Rick. Five days! Why didn’t you call

me? Why didn’t you pick up the phone when I called you today?”

“I was showering. It might have escaped your notice but showering isn’t the easiest of

endeavors in this situation,” he snapped back. Oh, he was done walking on eggshells. She

walked out on him. No explanation, no timeline, just another “wait for me”. He had done

everything in his power to try to find out. To try to win her back. Not for one second regretting

humiliating himself for her. Having to endure everyone’s looks of pity when she rebuffed him

yet again, and their suspicious looks when he claimed not to know what happened. Wondering

what he’d done wrong. Assuming he was the one in the wrong. He was getting tired of that

attitude from everyone, a little support would have been nice. He was getting tired of the fact

that the only support he got was from a machine that he had to program to support him and

was getting tired of being without his wife.

So all he wanted to do was get some pick me up Red Velvet cake from that bakery he liked

close to the Hospital that had treated her. Which unfortunately is where Dr. Motorcycle Boy

worked. But he was down, and that cake always made him happy, and instead of cake he got a

freaking chair. Yes, because Dr. Motorcycle Boy had forgone fists. He just swung a chair

around. He ended up with a concussion, a broken arm, and his dominant one at that, which

made getting things without dropping them harder, and broken ribs. And then she comes here

and snaps at him? Really? Enough was enough!

“Exactly my point. Why are you here alone? You need help!”

“Well, last time I checked I live alone!” he snapped back angrily and he almost stopped when

he saw the hurt in her eyes and her snapping her mouth closed. But he couldn’t. She needed

to understand, that either they were married and her problems were his and vice versa or they

weren’t and she couldn’t demand to know when he had a problem and not share hers. “And

I’m not about to make my mother and my daughter upend their lives for me. I can handle

myself.”

“So you sent them away,” she accused crossing her arms and he crossed his good one over his

sling. Oh no, she didn’t get to be all righteous!

She saw the moment he went from offensive to defensive when he tried to cross his arms and

put that little boy’s scowl he has. When he knows he is in the wrong. And sure enough the

exact same phrase he said when he started getting fed up of the hovering, before the boredom

settled in, when he broke his kneecap, came out of his mouth.

“I can manage. I’m not an invalid.”

She took a deep breath, because, somewhere in the recess of her mind she knew she had

started this all wrong, and she tried for a new tactic.

“You should have called me,” she said gently.

“Why? So you come. You take care of the infirm and then you waltz out of my life again. No

thank you. I live alone now, I have to learn to take care of myself alone.”

That cut just as deep as when he pointed out he lived alone the first time. Because somehow

she never thought that. She was coming back, but the truth was that for the last month that

was exactly how things were for him. He lived alone. Something he hadn’t done for over

twenty-years. And sure, he didn’t need anyone taking care of him when he wasn’t injured. He

actually was the one doing the caregiving. Making the food, doing the groceries. Yes, he liked

to play. Yes, he joked Alexis raised him. But that wasn’t true. He was the caregiver in the

family, and he craved that, and the company. He hated when the house was quiet. But now he

was here alone.

“No, because I’m your wife. And I love you and I don’t want to see you get hurt. I left to

protect you-“

“From LockSat.”

“Yes- what?”

“Yes, imagine that. I have a brain,” he said sarcastically. Because he did. Of course the first

thought on his mind when she left was that she was chasing LockSat. Allyson Hyde’s death

being too neat. Vikram joining the 12th. He wasn’t stupid, but he also wasn’t 100% sure he

hadn’t done something wrong. He never knew with her. After all these years, she still kept

secrets. She still held back.

“You can’t investigate,” she started in a panic.

“I haven’t,” he said simply. “I wasn’t certain that was your reason for leaving. And I was more

worried in protecting you than finding LockSat. You told me someone is already looking for

him. This isn’t like Bracken where the case had been filed. Where no one was looking. More qualified people are looking for him.”

“That’s not – I have to-“

“Have to what Kate? Why? Because your AG team was collateral damage? Because you feel

guilty? I understand feeling guilty. But when does the guilt stop? You ran a search on Bracken.

We found Bracken because I reopened the case. Dr. Death and Lanie found the connection.

Are we all responsible for every reaction other people have to the events that unfold? What

would happen if the families of your victims started pursuing their own justice? That’s being a

vigilante and I remember us stopping one once, before she destroyed her career. You are a

cop, a really good one, but you are not equipped to deal with a corrupt CIA agent. Let the

people trained for this deal with him. Just like you deal with the murderers and not the

families. Let them bring justice to your AG team and anyone else who was affected by LockSat

and you bring justice to your victims. Do what you are good doing.”

Kate swallowed, because deep down she knew she was being a hypocrite. After all the times

she told the families to trust her, let her do her job and now she believed only she could bring

down a man a trained spy had been trying to bring down for over a year and couldn’t. But

something Rick said raised a flag.

“What do you mean protect me? What have you been doing?”

Rick shifted but he raised his chin and she recognized the stance. Whatever he did he knew she

wouldn’t approve but he was not sorry.

“I had Hayley check on Vikram. For all we know Alyson Hyde was telling the truth about his

background. After all, he is the one who decoded the gunmen’s phone and pointed us to her.

I’ve also been cultivating a few contacts I had neglected in the last few years. More than just

Bob. His term is almost over and if you were really using police resources to run a rogue

investigation Kate,” he shook his head and she could see the worry in his eyes. “In your first

year as Captain…this could ruin you. I needed to have people I can ask favors of if I had to. I

even showed up to butter Gates up. I think she was on to me. I tried to tell her I was just happy

for her with her promotion. Which I am by the way.”

“Rick, my career-“

“Is at risk. If any other Captain had pulled what you did their first day on the job they’d been at

least demoted if not worse,” Castle said firmly. “But you are Nikki Heat and 1PP needs the

good press Nikki Heat brings.”

“You don’t know-“

“Oh, but I do,” he nodded. “Bob was very clear with me that the Brass was not happy they

couldn’t reprimand you without a public outcry.”

“What?”

“They’re keeping an eye on you Kate and if you don’t toe the line, there’s a chance no matter

who I butter up to, no matter how much the public mixes you up with Nikki Heat, they will

have your badge.”

She hadn’t known that. She had seen Montgomery and Gates pull rank easily so many times

that she thought she would be able to. But they had been Captain for years hadn’t they? She

swallowed, she had never thought that far. She had never thought anyone would catch her.

She was only worried about LockSat finding out and here he was protecting her, protecting

what she thought important to her. Oh, how she loved him. She hurt him and he was still

trying to care for her.

“I also tried hiring a security detail but you lost them every time you left for wherever you are

staying,” he mumbled and she realized that was the part he thought she’d be angry. Yes, she

had seen the security detail and had recognized them from when he hired them for Alexis,

right after Paris. They had clearly sent the same agents. She thought Rick had hired them to

find out where she was staying but no. He had hired them to have her back since he couldn’t.

She kneeled down and picked up the bottle.

She then gently traced the bruises on his chest. “You’re right. I didn’t think this through. But

I’m still coming home to take care of my husband and this time I prom-“ she realized she was

about to say she promised, she had promised no secrets hadn’t she? So she wouldn’t promise.

She would just state, “I won’t walk away again. We’ll figure this out together.”

She saw him inhale but he nodded because Rick was Rick and she had known he would let her

back. Because that was who he was, he was forgiving and one day, she hoped to be like that.

He finally let his good arm fall, losing the defensive stance and he took her hand. Not looking

at her but at their joined hands, he said quietly:

“We can’t just sweep this under the rug Kate. This can’t keep happening. We are married, the

time for unilateral decisions is past. Anything that affects us both needs to be decided by the

both of us,” he shook his head and gave her a sad smile, “Actually, anything that affects us

period needs to be discussed, even if just to have a sounding board, someone to listen while

we make a decision. If we don’t share our life, our problems, then, we’re just roommates. And

that’s not what I want with you Kate. What I’ve always wanted, since before we were together

was the whole deal, the good and the bad, together. Till we’re old and wrinkly and Alexis’s and

Cosmo’s kids are jumping around us.”

“Not naming any kids Cosmo Rick,” she said the phrase automatically. She loved when he did

that. Talked about kids they would have as if they were a foregone conclusion.

“Worth a try,” he smiled sheepishly. “But I’m serious Kate. Maybe we need help. Maybe we

need someone to help us in how to be more open. I love you and I know you love me. That’s

not the issue but maybe… maybe both of us don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t

mean to hurt you Kate but, you told me so yourself, in a radiation tent, you liked keeping one

foot out the door.”

“I don’t want to keep a foot-“

“That’s not what I mean,” he shook his head and continued gently. “What I mean is. That’s

how you always acted in your relationships before us. And I’m no better. Gina was right when

she accused me of not letting her in,” he sighed and he leaned on the counter still facing her.

“Meredith hurt me when she cheated on me and just up and left. But worse, she hurt Alexis.

And I closed up. I also didn’t let my girlfriends, my wife, in. I tried to protect Alexis, and even

me, from what I felt - after Meredith, after Kyra who left for Europe, promised to call and

never did – was the inevitable. That they’d just up and leave. But I don’t want to do that to

you. But maybe I am without knowing,” he frowned worried.

“No,” she shook her head vehemently. Because he had let her in, he shared his life with her even before they were together.

“But I did Kate. I don’t know why, and I can tell you this with certainty, whatever I did, had to

be to protect you, and Alexis and mother, because I just cannot fathom another reason to stay

away, but I still did. I chose, unilaterally, to stay away and then to have my memories erased

just as you chose to leave now. And that has to stop. For both of us. No matter what good

intentions we might have had at the time, we need to stop making decisions for the other. We

need to trust each other. Trust that we can make good decisions together. Certainly better

than the ones we make alone,” he nodded emphatically. “We really suck at that.”

She snorted, but he was right. And she had known back then, even when she saw the footage

of him putting the money in the dumpster, she had known that whatever he was doing he

wasn’t running from her but he had to have a good reason that probably involved the safety of

those he loved. But that doesn’t mean the decision was smart and nor was hers. She could see

that now. He knew about LockSat and yet he hadn’t investigated LockSat, because he figured

that she didn’t want him to. So she could have trusted him with the truth. He would have

stayed away. Because he might push boundaries but he knows when not to. When to respect

her wishes even when they hurt him, even when he has to stay away while she recovers from a

gunshot. They needed to trust each other, not only to have each other’s back, to love each

other, they already trusted each other that way, but to be able to make smart choices

together. Just like he said.

“Okay,” she nodded walking closer and embracing him. Trying to be mindful of his injuries,

“Whatever we have to do to get wrinkly together. I’m in.”

He embraced her back and whispered, “I love you Kate. We’ll figure this out.”

The end

A/N: I felt they just glossed over the hurt her decision caused in the show. And then with

Castle having been after LockSat since before her they kind of used a cop out. Since they both

lied. So they could just go on without dealing with their problems. So imagine that here, yes,

they got back together, but they went on to couple’s therapy and actually worked on their

problems before they could get their happily ever after.

I hope you enjoyed.