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Bring Him Home

Bringing Him Home

Disclaimer: I do not own White Collar

Summary: Peter realizes that his comment about Neal being a criminal and his decision to bring a new handler has a more devastating effect than he could expect. Spoilers for Season 5.

Bring Him Home

By PadyandMoony

“Bring him home,” he heard and looked up from the game he was pretending to watch. He had been doing a lot of that lately, pretending to pay attention to boring meetings, pretending to enjoy a lunch, pretending a huge part of his life hadn’t just disappeared because of him.

“Bring him home,” El said again walking towards the couch and sitting next to him. She took the control from his hand and turned off the TV. “I took them for granted,” she gave him a tearful smile. “Mozzie was right. I always expected both of them to land on their feet. I didn’t worry about them. He said I didn’t care but that’s not right – I did – I just took them for granted, that they’d figure something out. And I knew there would be a scheme or a con but I convinced myself that if I didn’t know the details, I wasn’t in the wrong. He was right. I was being a humongous hypocrite. But he was also wrong – I didn’t do that because I didn’t love them, I didn’t love Neal. I do, I do. So much, but I took him for granted and I hurt him.”

And he had hurt Neal too. So much. Mozzie had been right and furious. He had heard so many of Mozzie’s rants, blaming him, saying Neal had Stockholm Syndrome. But he had never seen him truly angry. Not until that day in the hospital. Not until Mozzie had thrown the comment with so much venom in his voice.

“For all the faults I attributed to you Agent Burke,” and Peter had noticed the lack of his nickname Suit and his title being used to slap him in the face and found that it was a very effective slap, “I never thought I’d put you and your wife in the same category as Kate, as James. But I guess I was wrong. You are just like them. You let Neal think you cared and you took full advantage of the fact that he loved you and that Neal does anything for the people he loves. For his family. But he was never your family, was he? Agent, Mrs. Burke. You two never cared for him. You’ve both used him, led him on, but at the end of the day you two only care about the two of you.”

After spending six weeks in AdSeg, risking life in prison or at best his career, Peter never thought he’d say this about another day. But that day, that day was the worst of his life. The day the new handler he had handpicked for Neal because he would keep his perspective almost killed him. The day he found out that wasn’t the worst he’d done.

Still getting adjusted to being the ASAC, Peter was yearning to be back in the field and when Jones had raised doubts about an operation Peter decided to surprise the team and join them in the van when they were already rolling. When he arrived there and was appraised of the details of the bust he was furious.

“What the hell were you thinking sending Neal there alone? These people have ties to the mob. They are violent. You can’t send him there without backup!”

“I offered-“ Jones started but was cut by Agent Smith, Neal’s new handler.

“Caffrey can handle himself. Sending someone with him was sure to be suspicious not to mention the fact that I’m not about to risk the life of an agent if I don’t have to.”

“But you’ll risk Neal’s?” Peter asked furiously and glared at the man and then at Jones who was listening intently to the radio feed of the meet taking place between the very violent mobsters and his unarmed, untrained CI.

“He is a criminal. His life isn’t as valuable as an agent’s,” the man said simply and Peter’s blood ran cold. “He is a tool to be used so we don’t have to risk our agents.” Peter realized then that he had chosen someone with too much perspective. But before he could say anything Jones cursed.

“We need to get in there. This is going south.”

“Have they made the trade?” Smith asked.

“No, but they are suspicious, they-“

“Then we wait.”

“Neal needs backup now!” Jones shouted.

“I’m his handler. This my decision and we say we wait Agent Jones. Bad enough you ran to daddy,” Smith said jerking his head towards Peter.

“You may be Neal’s handler but I am your boss,” Peter took over. “And if Jones believe there is a risk we are going in. Give the order Jones. You’re sitting this one out Smith,” he said taking his gun out and heading towards the meeting point with the other agents as Smith fumed. But they were too late. Jones was right. Moretti was a paranoid bastard and he shot Neal before they could get there.

Peter should have thanked Jones later, because he took point in taking the mobsters out. Peter could only run to Neal. Try to stop the bleeding. Curse the paramedics slowness and pray.

He did remember yelling at Smith that he was suspended until further notice and he was entertaining thoughts of ripping him a new one before transferring him when the doctor came to talk to him.

He had come to explain that Neal was going into surgery but that wasn’t all. He needed to call the police.

“He was shot in an operation gone wrong. We already have the man who shot him,” he answered.

“That’s not why I need to bring the police sir. I am concerned about his other injuries.”

“What other injuries?” Peter had asked not comprehending and the doctor handed him a tablet. Before taking Neal to surgery they had documented the injuries, and Peter looked in horror at a picture of Neal’s back full of belt marks and at one of his wrists which had cut marks from too tight cuffs. He heard a sharp intake of breath behind and saw Jones, stone faced staring at the picture. He was angry, but he wasn’t shocked and Peter turned on him.

“Clinton?” he asked. Jones had brought up the subject a few times.

“Peter, we can handle Neal. I don’t think Smith really understands how best to deal with him.”

“That’s exactly why I brought him in. He isn’t emotionally involved. He will not forget Neal is a criminal.”

“I know Peter, but maybe he is exaggerating.”

“No he isn’t.”

“Clinton?” he repeated. “Did you know about this?”

He looked at Peter than at the doctor. “No, not about this. I would have lodged a formal complaint. But I told you. Smith, he treated Neal - I don’t even know what name to give to how he acted. He wouldn’t let Neal go out to lunch. He had Neal in before everyone and after hours. Sometimes for 15, 16 hours days. Diana started bringing Neal food. Neal didn’t say anything. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t notice at first. Diana mentioned it to me. Because, because since finding out she was pregnant without a partner Neal has been helping her. He offered to be her Lamaze partner, and he painted the nursery and all that and Diana mentioned that since Smith arrived Neal hasn’t been able to attend any of the Lamaze classes.”

Peter hadn’t known that. That Neal was helping Diana or that he wasn’t leaving the office. He had decided to step back. Not interfere in the new relationship. Only now did he realize he had gone weeks without even talking to Neal. He was so busy with his new role, with meetings and still trying to be home in time for El, who was still shaken up about the whole prison ordeal that he hadn’t spared a moment to think of Neal. He had given him to his new handler and forgotten about him and look what happened.

“And the way Smith orders him around- Peter, I tried bringing that up with you but-”

“I dismissed you. And Diana,” Peter nodded. He turned towards the doctor. “Call NYPD. We are going to have our own investigation but - I want to make sure he pays.”

Neal’s surgery had taken hours. He had called El and had asked her to call Mozzie.

“I’ll try hon, but I haven’t heard from him since you were released. He hasn’t returned any of my calls.”

That wasn’t like Mozzie, and taking this abuse - that wasn’t like Neal. Why hadn’t Neal said something?

Mozzie may not have been answering El’s calls but he was hearing the messages and he showed up about halfway through Neal’s six-hour surgery. Peter and El had gotten up as soon as he spotted Mozzie and knowing he needed to talk to Mozzie without prying eyes, he led him away from the group of White Collar FBI agents that had gathered to wait for news. Apparently Smith was the only one who didn’t like Neal at the office and he was also universally disliked, as sitting there with El by his side, Peter had spent the better part of the last three hours listening to hushed accusations between the agents. Things each one of them had seen him do to Neal but that they had felt that since Jones and Diana hadn’t been heard, they probably wouldn’t either.

“He cuffed Neal to the car when we went to interrogate a witness. And when I tried to protest, Neal just said that was okay. Agent Smith had the right. How could he?” Blake had whispered to a colleague.

Peter was kicking himself.

El had followed him and at the time, Peter had thought that was better. El had a rapport with Mozzie, he’d be more open to her. Except he wasn’t counting on the fact that Mozzie was rightfully pissed at both of them.

Once they were alone Peter had started on Mozzie, on why neither he nor Neal had brought any of this up. At first Mozzie had listened to Peter his face impassive but Peter should have realized his face wasn’t impassive. His face was of quiet fury.

“Why don’t you get off your high horse Burke?” he shot once Peter had demanded an answer. “You know very well why he didn’t feel like he could come to you about that or Hagen.”

“No, I don’t, wait Hagen?”

“Oh, save your lies for someone who believes them,” Mozzie snapped. “We both know you’re not that stupid,” he walked menacingly forward and for someone who was considerably shorter than Peter, Peter was surprised to notice he was intimidated. “First your wife, as she’s done several times before, asks Neal to do anything to get you out and save your job. That after accusing Neal of only being interested on proving your innocence only because of his deal.”

“No Mozzie, I didn’t mean-“

But Mozzie acted as if she hadn’t interrupted him not even looking at her, “Forget the fact that the Section Chief had already assured Neal that regardless of what happened to you they weren’t going to recant his deal because he was too valuable an asset. Assigning him to Jones while you were incarcerated. But no, she accused him anyway and then threw right after that, “do whatever you have to”.”

“And he looked for James-“

“Do you see anyone else here Burke?” Mozzie sneered. “Just us. No audience. You know as well as I do that maybe if Neal had had the time of your trial to look for James he may have found him. But with one day left after six weeks of no clue. And that James would actually make that call! I don’t believe for a second that you think that was actually James or that you forgot a little nifty piece of equipment we used to imitate Larssen’s voice. No, you know that wasn’t James,” he poked a finger on Peter’s chest. “You know that that tape wouldn’t hold to closer scrutiny. You know Neal had to have done something. He’s deal with the devil to get you out. You just conveniently pretended to believe James called. And deep down Neal knows that too.”

“Hagen?”

“Hagen had access to the prosecutor.”

“The coins, were payment,” Peter concluded and Mozzie just stared at him with crossed arms, as if daring him to say he was going to arrest Neal for the coins. But Peter didn’t understand, he knew Neal had more money than what the coins – Hagen was a problem. Of course. Hagen set Neal up, he probably had video and was blackmailing Neal. And Neal didn’t feel he could come to Peter. Not after Peter reminded him he was a criminal, and changed his anklet.

“What does Hagen-“

“I already took care of that. I have real friends,” Mozzie had spat and both Peter and El flinched. Peter had later found out that apparently Hagen had forgot to calculate the possibility of a virus erasing all his copies of that video. Making everything his word against Neal’s. Sally of course. But Peter decided not to pursue any of that. He owed that to Neal.

After a few more choice words Mozzie stalked out and joined June far away from the FBI agents. Peter stood there just staring ahead not even being able to console El’s choked, “Peter.”

When the doctor came and told them all Neal’s surgery had been a success Peter’s relief was short lived as June politely stopped him from going to Neal’s room.

“I believe you are not Neal’s handler anymore Agent Burke,” she hadn’t called him Agent Burke since that first day on her terrace. She had always called him Peter. “I’m sure you have more important things to deal with.”

So he had, the first thing was deal with Smith who had been taken to interrogation by Jones and Blake after being arrested. Peter made sure they took the long way through the office and everyone saw the perp walk. The worst was Smith thinking he was going to get away with everything. He didn’t even deny he had assaulted Neal and had the gall to say he did so on Peter’s orders.

“I was doing what I was told to do Burke. He is a criminal that needed to be kept in line. I felt the good old belt was quite a nice way to do that. If he didn’t agree he could have always gone back to prison.”

Peter didn’t understand how he could have gone so wrong with this agent. He had come so highly recommended. He had a good track record and everyone said he would not have been swayed by Neal’s silver tongue. And Peter realized that was what sold Smith to him. He wanted someone who wouldn’t coddle Neal and ended up getting a bigot who didn’t think Neal was worth the effort.

Peter had fired him and then handed him over to NYPD before he did something that would jeopardize the case against Smith.

Neal had been unconscious for three days. And Peter had been relegated to getting news from nurses and doctors as every time he even tried to get anywhere near Neal’s room Mozzie or June were standing guard.

Since he wasn’t allowed anywhere near he tried to get his mind occupied with figuring out how to make sure Neal wasn’t going to get caught for the coins. He couldn’t let Neal be sent back and get even more time for something he only did to save Peter. He was coming up with nothing short of burying the case, and that could always come back to bite him in the ass, when Bancroft walked into his office with the answer.

“I don’t understand sir.”

“Mr. Caffrey has done very good work and he was instrumental on taking down the corrupt senator that landed you your promotion so we have talked to the Corrections Board because we feel, and they agree, he deserves a reduction of his sentence.”

“He’ll have another commutation hearing?”

“No,” Bancroft looked uncomfortable. “Everything has already been set up. Mr. Caffrey is a free man. And, as a token of our appreciation for everything he has done for the Bureau we have also extended immunity to anything he might have done to this date.”

“Everything – what,” Peter was astounded but as he examined the papers he saw all there. Neal was a free man and even if they did find out about the coins they were covered by immunity.

“To avoid a repeat of the whole Mentor fiasco we made sure to have the judge’s decision on video too,” Bancroft indicated the DVD on the folder. Yeah, so they don’t accuse him of forgery again. Peter couldn’t believe his luck until Bancroft added.

“And you’ll be happy to know the DA is prosecuting Smith for the assault.”

Peter smiled sardonically, “This is payoff, so Neal won’t sue the Bureau.”

“This situation Peter- all of this looks really bad. You get a promotion for taking down Pratt and Neal gets an Agent who physically abuses him. Deliberately puts him in the line of fire.”

Yeah, a law suit wouldn’t just get Neal a huge settlement but would make the Bureau, who was already looking bad after Calloway was found to have been in Pratt’s pocket bad. He knew this was payoff but he couldn’t help but be glad that at least Neal wouldn’t have to worry about Hagen and the coins.

“I’ll make sure Neal and his lawyer get this.”

But if he thought the freedom papers would be well received and fix everything he was wrong. When Peter received the notice from the doctor about Neal being up and alert he had rushed to the hospital. Apparently the doctor was a little bit too optimistic on the alert part. Neal was still pretty stoned for the next two days but once he was really alert Peter gave him the good news on one of the few moments he managed to slip in when Mozzie had to leave the room.

Neal had nodded and shrewdly declared, “I guess I should be happy for the payoff. Don’t worry. I’m not suing.”

“Neal, you should have told-“

“I’m a criminal remember Peter,” he cut Peter off and Peter flinched at having his words thrown back at him. Peter could see Neal’s eye were watering but Neal was doing his best to put up a stony face. “But now I am a free criminal, and you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to do anything illegal, so do me a favor and don’t try to find me.”

“Neal, you’ve just been shot, this is a huge change. You can’t be thinking of leaving-“

“I love you and El,” Neal said suddenly looking straight into Peter’s eyes. “And for a long time I believed you two loved me too. And I should have seen the signs, but I didn’t. I guess I am really bad at that. I didn’t with Kate or James. And I didn’t with the two of you. So I need to go away. Because as long as I am here I will do anything to make sure the two of you are all right and when you call I will answer. But even a criminal such as myself deserves better than that. I deserve to find people who will love me back. So, Agent Burke, please let me go.” And there was so much raw pain in Neal’s pleading that Peter couldn’t do anything but nod and leave. He had hoped Neal would change his mind. That he would have time to change Neal’s mind. Neal had just been shot. He was going to need to recover but when he and El had gone to June’s mansion a couple of days after he learned Neal was released from the hospital, because El had reasoned, “He’s had time to cool off. But we need to show him we care,” they had a nasty surprise.

“Neal isn’t here Agent Burke,” the maid had said. “Mrs. Ellington and Mr. Mozzie arranged for a medical transport and they have left the country. I am not at liberty to say to where.”

And that had been almost a month ago and now El was begging him to bring Neal back. He could have checked airlines. A medical transport wouldn’t be hard to find, but he hadn’t. He had felt that after his poor repayment for everything Neal had done for him the least he could do was respect his whishes. But El was right. Neal was family and they couldn’t get his forgiveness if they weren’t near him. They would need to work a lot for his forgiveness but he was worth it.

He picked up his phone and dialed, “Diana, I’m taking a vacation, but first, I need some flight information.”

The end

Author's note:

Okay. I needed to do this. The premiere left me so completely depressed and so angry at both Peter and El that I just needed them to take that step. To realize they screwed up and have to fix things. I leave the actual fixing to your imagination or maybe one day I’ll be inspired. But right now I just needed this angst off my chest.

I know exaggerated a bit (lot) and taken a lot of creative license with the handler and the pardon and all but I just needed for something to bring the fact that Peter broke Neal’s heart to his attention effectively and I could just see that a big whumpage with something that had been a direct result from his little perspective talk to Neal and then lose him without being entitled to bringing him back because of his badge would bring that home like nothing else could. And I can also see Mozzie and all his paranoia not buying that Peter really believes that James confessed, regardless of if he does or not.

Also, I mean no offense to the FBI. I don’t believe Agent Smith’s actions reflect the FBI but I needed a baddie.

I hope you enjoyed!

Disclaimer: I do not own White Collar

Summary: After realizing their mistake, Peter and El set out to fix what they broke. Spoilers for Season 5. This is the sequel to “Bring him home” and can’t be understood alone.

Bringing Him Home

By PadyandMoony

Peter picked up the suitcase and placed it in the cart where El was waiting nervously. They were in France.

“France, did she go to France?”

Peter wondered if there was a story there between Kate and Neal or if the destination had been chosen for other reasons. He also wondered if Neal was really in France. The information was uncomfortably easy to obtain. Diana had pulled flight information for the days between Neal’s discharge and when he and El had gone to June’s and she had come up with a private flight from a medical transportation company that flew straight from New York to Paris with passengers June Ellington, Dante Haversham and Neal Caffrey. French customs confirmed they entered the country. But Peter couldn’t see Mozzie of all people doing something so…straight forward, in the open. No aliases, no change of routes to lose a tail.

“Neal was injured hon. He couldn’t have travelled in their usual manner. And besides, he is a free man now, he doesn’t need to travel under an alias.”

Yes, he was a free man. Peter couldn’t just drag him home and once he found them he really didn’t know how to bring him home. How to make him forgive Peter. He had tried to make up several speeches on the plane but nothing seemed good enough. Nothing seemed to convey how much he wished he could just turn back time. How he could explain to Neal that he had just been trying to protect him not wash his hands of him, as he had heard whispered in hush tones at the office. How could he explain, that yes, he had been that stupid. He had believed James had made the call. Now that he knew everything, he couldn’t understand himself how he hadn’t realized what Neal had done the second he heard that recording. Neal had visited him the day before saying they didn’t have a clue as to where James was. Neal didn’t lie to him. To think Neal would have found him in less than a day. A man who had spent 30 years off the grid. Even Neal wasn’t that good.

But no, he knew why he fooled himself. He had seen the pain in Neal’s eyes when he tried taking the blame for James. He had seen James hadn’t just screwed Peter. He had broken Neal’s heart. He had used him to get the evidence box and then he had disappointed Neal all over again. Abandoned him again. And Peter had hoped that the man had done something to repair what he had broken. But he should have known better. The whole speech had Neal written all over it not James. The words were things said between Peter and Neal. Face Justice. Do the right thing. How many times hadn’t he said those things to Neal?

“Actions have consequences and you need to take responsibility for those consequences.”

Now it was Peter’s turn to face the consequences.

“Where to?” El asked bringing him out of his musings.

“I think we should check in at the hotel and then check out the address they provided when they entered the country.”

“You think they gave the real address?” El asked hopefully.

Peter sighed, “I don’t know,” he shook his head. “That doesn’t sound like Neal and most certainly not like Mozzie. But you’re right, they are not hiding, so it’s worth a try.”

“Maybe, deep down he wants you to find him,” El said taking his arm and leaning towards him as they pushed the cart. Peter could only hope.

“I thought better of you Peter. I thought you’d respect his wishes,” June said with a disapproving frown from inside the door of the luxurious apartment. Peter and El were still outside where they’d been since ringing the doorbell. They had been lucky. One of the buildings residents was going in when they arrived and they entered with him instead of ringing the intercom. If June’s frown was anything to go by, they wouldn’t have been buzzed in.

“Is he home? I – look June. We gave him time to cool down. But – this – this is so messed up and this is a huge misunderstanding and miscommunication, and I’m not trying to excuse myself. This is all my fault, but I need to fi-“

“He’s family June,” El interrupted. “He’s family and family just doesn’t give up on each other.”

“You’re the ones who seem to have forgotten that Mrs. Burke,” June said in a flat tone and El flinched. Mrs. Burke.

But she ploughed on, “I know. We did.”

Peter snapped his head at her so fast he wondered how his head didn’t snap right off his neck.

“And mostly, this is my fault,” she continued. “Not because I don’t love Neal…and Mozzie, but because – I was scared June. I almost lost Peter. And I know this was not Neal’s fault,” she pressed as June seemed to want to interrupt her. “Rationally I know that. But I couldn’t stop thinking that if Peter hadn’t gotten mixed up with something of Neal’s none of this would have happened. And I know that’s stupid thinking. Because this wasn’t just about Neal, and he tried his best to keep Peter out of it even before I asked him and well, Peter being Peter wouldn’t do that. But I was scared and I – Neal is bigger than life and he does crazy things and he comes off on top-“

“That’s not true. If that were true Kate would be alive. He wouldn’t have spent four years in prison and almost three on the anklet, his father wouldn’t-“

“I know,” El interrupted. “But that’s not what one sees. Not without looking deeper. We see Neal with one of his schemes and then him landing on his feet and I got used to thinking of him like that. Like someone who could get away from anything without help. And I was wrong, sooo wrong. But I didn’t worry about him, or Mozzie and I just worried about Peter and asked Peter to stay away and that is my fault.”

She took a deep breath and continued, “Mozzie was right. I look back. To those days and I wonder who that person is. Because I can’t believe I could have been that manipulative. And I was. I did ask him to do whatever he had to knowing full well he would. And I was mean. I told him he only cared about himself knowing that wasn’t true because I was angry – and I guess – he was there, you know? James wasn’t there. I couldn’t yell everything I wanted to yell at James and instead I passively aggressively took out my anger on Neal. And I am soo sorry you can’t even begin to imagine how much I wished I had acted differently. How much I wish I had told Peter what I thought. When he was wondering why Neal would steal those coins. Because he was right, Neal doesn’t steal without a reason and I knew the reason had to do with whatever he did for Peter. Instead I squashed my thoughts on that and I asked Peter to get away and I hate myself for that. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. Just that I was stupid and angry and scared.”

June looked at her with a look that was a mix of sympathy and fear. He could see El had touched her but she wanted to protect Neal. He was about to start his own argument when a man’s hand grabbed the door and opened it further. He got his breath knocked out of him. Neal was standing there. He looked thin and a bit unhealthy but he wasn’t as pale as those days in the hospital. He wasn’t unmoving like in the ambulance. He was standing on his own and not propped up on pillows.

“Why Peter, why do I have to work hard and give up my former ways?” he asked and the question was so out of the blue and not anything to do with what they were talking that Peter was taken aback.

“You know why, you have a good thing going on back home and that is better than prison, than your old life,” he started his usual speech.

“You told me that it doesn’t matter what I do. How well I behave, how much I rehabilitate myself. I’m a criminal,” Peter started shaking his head, “That’s what you told me Peter. You turned to me and said that everything I did, all the hard work I put - And I know you think I don’t try but I do, you have no idea how hard I try.”

“I do-,” Peter tried saying but Neal went on.

“That all that was for nothing. Because I’m a criminal and that’s all I’ll ever be.”

And now Peter understood. They were still talking about the same subject. He just was talking about how Peter hurt him, not El.

“No, just while the anklet was on,” he tried to explain. “Neal. I couldn’t forget what you were capable while the anklet was on because-“

“That makes no sense Peter,” Neal interrupted him and Peter could hear the underlying anger and hurt. “If you think I’m a criminal one minute and haven’t changed, the next minute that changes just because the anklet came off? It doesn’t work like that Peter. It doesn’t happen by magic. If at the last second of my sentence all I had done was worth nothing it didn’t miraculously start being worth something the second after the end of my sentence.”

“That’s not what I meant Neal,” he tried desperately to explain. He needed Neal to understand. Peter knew he had changed. Peter believed in him. But there were risks. “What I meant was that until that anklet came off we couldn’t forget that you were at risk of not only going back to prison but getting more time!”

You think I don’t know that? I remembered that every second Peter! But that’s not what you said Peter! What you said was that I am a criminal! In one breath you called me family and in the other one you disavowed me. You washed your hands of me!” Neal was screaming now and Peter had never seen Neal lose control this way without meaning. June tried to put a calming hand on his arm and Peter saw Neal taking a step back and trying to calm himself.

Peter took a deep breath, “I appointed you a new handler because I thought I was allowing you to risk-“

“I’m not talking about Smith. I don’t actually think you chose him because you knew what he would do. I still don’t believe you could be that person Peter,” which meant someone did. Someone was trying to convince Neal that Peter had known. And he couldn’t really blame Mozzie for that. He was trying to protect Neal. “That’s not the problem Peter. The problem is you think of me as a criminal and nothing more. I love you like family but the reverse isn’t true.”

“That’s not true,” Peter said vehemently.

“Your love is conditional Peter. Family’s isn’t. Mozzie didn’t like me working for the Bureau. Never did. He told me enough times he wished I had just bid my time in jail. I’d be safer. I already had contacts, and I knew how prison worked. I managed to keep myself safe for four years there and another four would be hard but not impossible. Not life threatening. I was a model prisoner Peter. There was even a chance I’d get parole after half my sentence.”

Peter knew that, if not for the escape, Neal’s record was spotless.

“But Kate was worth the risk. Kate was worth knowing that the second I made that deal with you if I went back I’d be dead and hoping to die quickly. And I never for one second forgot that. But she was worth the risk. And Mozzie had my back no matter what. No matter how much I disappointed him by choosing you over and over again. And you know why that is Peter? Because that’s family. Family isn’t family just when it’s convenient. Just when they need you to break the law for them and then turn their back on you. And that’s what you and Elizabeth did,” he turned to look at her with so much emotion in his eyes El wanted to turn away but she didn’t. She met his eyes with her own watery ones so he could see how she wished she could change that. “You asked me to do anything to get Peter out knowing what you were asking of me and then you two washed your hands of me. And I will not allow myself to forget that. I will not allow myself to fall for that con again. I will keep my nose clean because I can’t afford to go back to prison but I will not let you in again.”

“I can’t let that happen Neal,” Peter said firmly. He needed to say this and Neal needed to hear this even if he wasn’t ready to forgive them. “Because I know you’re angry, but you know something else about family? Family screws up at times, and family doesn’t give up when a member of the family is hurt and angry. Family keeps coming back until they are forgiven and we will keep coming back Neal. I won’t let you go, and one day, one day you won’t be as angry.”

“I’m not angry, I’m disappointed. You let me down.”

Another prison.

“You let me down Neal.”

“I didn’t let you down.”

Peter couldn’t say the same, “I know I have. And you are angry. But one day you won’t be and I’ll be here,” he finished holding Neal’s gaze a while longer before taking El’s hand and beckoning her away.

Before following her El said simply, “We both will. I’m sorry. I so, so sorry.”

They didn’t kiss and make up immediately like Peter wished. Neal didn’t call them and he didn’t answer the door when they buzzed. But that didn’t stop them. They had staked him out the first day and figured out Neal’s routine. He was still recovering. The damage from the bullet had been bad and Neal apparently was still going to physical therapy. He talked to June, who after their speech was a little more open to them, and she said that he was improving. Not as fast as the doctors wished which they attributed to depression, and here she gave Peter a pointed look. But he was a lot better than when he started, when he could barely get out of the wheel chair. He was able to walk to the physical therapy, which was close by.

So, Peter and El, and sometimes only Peter or only El, sat on a bench in front of the apartment building every day. Neal came out, glared at them and started walking without looking at them again. Pretending he wasn’t seeing them following him from the other sidewalk. He did the same thing when he came out to find them sitting at the café in front of the physical therapy.

That went on for about two weeks until one day Peter was surprised when half an hour before the physical therapy session was supposed to end the chair in front of him was dragged back and Neal sat on it. He ordered a cup of coffee and didn’t say anything other than:

“Everywhere else is full,” Peter wisely chose not to comment that he could have sat at the counter.

This routine also continued for a few days. Both with him and El. Not a word was said and the day after this started Peter and El received a visit at their hotel.

“You better not screw this up again,” was the only thing Mozzie said as he narrowed his eyes at them and then walked away.

Finally, on the fifth day. A day only Peter had gone. After drinking his coffee, Neal offered.

“I’ve been approved for field duty again.”

“Excuse me?” Peter dared not to hope.

“The doctor said I could go back to the field. Is there a position?”

“Is there-“

“You’re the boss. I figured you’re the one to ask. I want Diana as my handler.”

“She’s on maternity leave. I got an email yesterday. She is almost due.”

“I know,” Neal said simply. “That’s why my plane leaves today. I promised her I’d be there for her.”

His plane left today. He was going back. He was going home.

“I can handle Jones while she’s off. We get along well. But you don’t mess with Diana.”

“No, you don’t,” Peter said with a smile. “Actually. I’ve been in talks with the bosses. I don’t like deskwork.” And he didn’t, he had hated the few months he had as ASAC. He wanted to blow his head off with the boredom and bureaucracy. “Turns out Hughes doesn’t like retirement either – he’s been covering for me now - but he also doesn’t want to be ASAC full time so they offered for us to share and this way, I’ll still be able to do field work. So, you know. I could be your handler.”

Neal said nothing.

“Just till Diana comes back. Of course.”

“Of course,” Neal said and they both pretended to believe Diana was actually ever going to be Neal’s handler.

They finished their coffees in silence and Peter ran to the hotel to book a flight back and give El the good news.

They weren’t back to how they’d been. Baby steps. But Neal was reaching back and that was a start that let Peter know they were in the right track. That let Peter know that eventually, eventually they’d be okay. They just had to make sure he knew they were there for him and that if they could, they’d do everything different.

The end

Author's note:

Now that my initial ire towards Peter has abated I was able to make him redeem himself. I hope you enjoyed and I so hope the show goes in a similar route (minus the whole shooting. Poor Neal.) I wanted to post this before the new episode is out so I don’t get influenced by anything there, so I apologize if this feels rushed or there are too many mistakes.